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UNDECIDED

by godAWFUL

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1.
See I considered it broken Because the mask they'd given cracked a smidgen Once I had to fit it upon my fat face  At the rat race there ain't no half pacin'   And crippled amongst the walking dead ain't much of a handicap  No one cares what happens in the air if you are not landing that Standing with your hands to back Take this ass whoopin' like a muhfuckin' champion These fists'll show you what handsome is so dance with it  No need to fight the feeling - probably won't run a fair one  Hell, I give it credit for telling me put my hands up  What I invested to wiggle up out the handcuffs  Left me flat broke when it was time to pay the ransom  Like DAMN SON - back to square one with dat lazy ass Glass full of "I don't know what the fuck you take me as" Alive and well, right? So goes the eloquence  Pessimist state never could let me just taste relevance Fine, we can go there, grab yourself a compass  And see if it doesn't shatter fifty leagues into the substance  A couple octaves lower to alarm 'em that the function  Will not be tolerating any form of interruptions  Please. Walk in that crowd rollin' up his sleeves  Spoken like he don't trust most of what he read Don't worry about the name or what it's supposed to mean  Or why he would describe himself as broken in a theme   (He writes his songs with a drink and a cigarette  A dim light and a feeling of indifference)   So while you sit and ask him why that new isn't finished yet  What the fuck's a Volume Two when you feeling infinite, you diggin' it though? This is crowd control in it's realest form Let me see that roof shake like the feeling gone  Want to see you lose your god damn selves  Treat that breakdown like a notch in the belt like Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands Bleed...bleed... Let me see them hands bleed…for something.... What up world: my good bye / my hello My farewell for now and tell 'em YO  Every moment I invested in it slowed When it broke every single exception in the mold  Let it go, I ain't been the same man since my fa-…well Hell, I promised I'd never speak it in song, see along  It's not the verbiage or preachin' keepin' it gone  More of what's the fuckin' point if I'm just reaching it wrong  Because I cauterized that bleeding wound with a cigarette  Washed away the puss with my little bit of whiskey left   In effect, yeah, it probably could of have better spent  Counting down the seconds just waiting for y'all to interject But get up, up and over it, no one claiming' what noble is I'm notion-less mobile, only rollin' solely with broken wrists  So when they tell me get a grip, I barely hold a fist Motion sick, like if I ever told them, then I told them this  This is crowd control in it's realest form Let me see that roof shake like the feeling gone  Want to see you lose your god damn selves  Treat that breakdown like a notch in the belt like Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands (AY) Let me see those hands… Brush the fuckin' atmosphere - cavalier Spittin' on your shitty little rap career - Fake grins get cracked veneers I'm unfitted to stunt with a debunked gimmick Protection over abstinence baby - come and fucks with it Still girthy - still makin' it fit Still your drunk uncle that's stupid facing a fifth Stumblin' past the throne to find a place I can sit Where the bras are double Ds and the conversation legit OH IT'S LIT or so I'm told the cool kids sayin' Two fistin' that fluid with some smooth shit playin' So who's dissin'? Well who isn't the new sensation A few licks in a feud and now you of proof of innovation? SON PLEASE Keep your tired presence, I'm sleeping giant reppin'  Go die in your dreams or get to creepin' for a fire exit Like who the fuck you think leavin' seein' what I defend?  If my intention is find contention then I am legend AWFUL - caps lock them fuckin' 5 letters Use 'em to hold close to whatever you find precious
2.
Anthem 05:10
This land has no borders - just obligatory welcome signs Tourist guides asking you to pick a story, get in line Every home is keyless - every road is gravel Every show's secret and every foe is battled There's a lot of scars and tattoos in this mufucka Each with a tale that conclude one another See, the corner stores are independently ran Constantly lookin' for somebody to lend a hand But nothing is free nomore, except for those guts So when you spill 'em, make sure you're ready to pick 'em up Because those rats are starving, aching for a feast I can't even hate, I relate to their pleas Our sick don't fight, they embrace their disease And walk around with that shit placed on their sleeve Like…damn...that's some genius fuckin' marketing Big business in this small world we call harmony I'm starting to regret donating a part of me I knew I'd take steps, just didn't know how hard they'd be Because I got sandbags attached to my calves And man this rains really coming down I got my soul wrapped tight - strapped in my bag and I'm hoping it will float if I drown so don't understand us, would you please stand up and join us for our hometown anthem that goes like... Sometimes I feel like I want to leave this place for good Under the ground - I'll live down there without a sound (x2) If you remember it forever, remember it as this Dont remember the voice, remember what it spit Not much more on this endeavor to give Except for this bullet that I left in the clip But i'm saving that for dinner, maybe even after First I gotta reconcile with my sweet disaster Find a plot of land that I can reach faster Without sneaking past all the (IMPEACH THAT BASTARD) See, megaphones are a commodity nowadays No need to ask why we all seem to sound the same You can draw a parallel through a shouted pain Bulletproof vest, lucrative sex, and diamond chains Expect the worse - optimism is a fantasy For those that never chose to try considering a plan b So we call inebriation a necessity At the the melting pot trying to rearrange the recipe While most say "If it ain't broke don't fix it" My people say "If it ain't dope don't listen" And that comes off like "Yo! what is good?!" And I been trying to answer that one for years Only place in the world you can represent fam While dancing in the blood of your peers So don't understand us? would you please stand up And join us for our hometown anthem Sometimes I feel like I want to leave this place for good Under the ground - I'll live down there without a sound (x2) So don't remember the home - remember that landmark Don't remember the stance - remember what it stands for Don't remember the song - remember that dance floor And the moment you clapped until you left your hands soar See we all wanna be voices in the land of the deaf Getting too caught up to put a hand to the next You want success? You want love? You won't find it You want death? You want blood? Come inside then It's a cold war brewing in a warm place So when we fall out, boy, it ain't a scene, it's an arms race And just imagine, all this weaponry The impact if we ever lick that collectively But that's a fool's dream when who's king is who brings Something to the table when the food seems too clean God forbid you ever ask what the rules mean Actin' like your fuckin' up the system like a blue screen And they wonder why we die with a grin Despite we couldn't even leave a dime to our kin Because this is our problem - this is our space This is our birth and this our grave This is our cell and this is our escape This is our burden but this is our fate So would you please stand up And join us for our hometown anthem that goes like… Sometimes I feel like I want to leave this place for good Under the ground - I'll live down there without a sound Sometimes I feel like I want to leave this place for good Under the ground - I'll live down there without a sound I can't take this place no more If it was up to me I would fade away tomorrow (x5) I can't take this place no more If it was up to me I would fade away...
3.
I'm still the greatest muthafucka that’s too lazy to prove it Maybe I'm too late but that's too lame a conclusion Watched a lot of friends throw bouquets to the movement Of who paid them the moolah while few strained for improvement I rode a thin line, spit touché to the nuisance Admittedly took 52k for a noose and an illusion Stupid, but back to punch 'em square up in they shit And tell 'em all due respect eat a pair of dicks There it is, that godAWFUL truth they all prayed for The stage floor something like a claymore when they on I mean, I could sit here and spit that whole played sort of "Rappers ought to say more, fuck ‘em and their lame tours." But, is that really what y'all came for? Fake wars? Same song and dance since '84? Gatekeeper, hear me, I will not be your savior More a 100 proof whiskey with a gun powder chaser I was never the type to get caught up in all of your rhetoric Get it correct or to beg for your membership Edit my pen just to lend it to relevance Said it then sit with sentiment, better yet Question the messages Lesson of getting too ahead of the evidence Anyways - back to the peace of the scene And the easel to bleed and I kept it Connecticut Not for that reason of seeming novel or deep More allegiance to the people that's gettin' robbed in they sleep It’s still fuck your hair cut, politics, and police Built different and ya' mans get it poppin' in the streets like… And they probably should have seen it comin' Flashing lights, loud pops and the people runnin' From team discussions on how we gonna make equal from it Navigating through the snakes just to up and reach a summit Cousin...shit don’t even exist Trying to own something when hundreds are co-leasing the bitch I'm so seasoned, no secret, I'm nose deep in the drip When I spend them tour earnings on gold teeth and a fifth Then it's no peace in the pit - no chance at redemption No sleep for the rich and thrown hands at the mention I’m so handsome it’s wreckless, the hoes stand at attention Then throw tantrums once they see no chance to impress him UGH - I don’t know who the fuck he really think he is Like this is if Bukowski was a New Haven city kid Hamden raised, mix a bit, Stone Cold belligerence Let it sit, then sprinkle some ol’ Slick Rick charisma in (Ladi Dadi) So unamused, what you've convaluted as great Couldn’t recognize the truth if it fucked you in the face Just think of all the blues that attitude could create If he quit rapping for nudes and adding to the bass But fuck it I know what I am at the core I’m not proud but the damage has landed me more Handled the storm with amateur form At least I was standing when panic restored Hand to the lord that I could of been better A man of my word but I fumbled the letters And running was never that much of get up For someone who better cooked under the pressure And not for that reason of seeming novel or deep More allegiance to the people that's getting robbed in they sleep It’s still fuck your band name, fad diets and tweets Built different and ya mans get it poppin' in the streets like... Lord Jesus get the water The bushes burning and their reach is getting farther Greatest story written - I’m just trying meet the author In the hopes that I can leave his daughter weeping at the alter Yeah, I hate this fairytale appeal you all steal from Tell mother goose to bust it open for a real one Chest hair poppin' put fresh air to a steel lung Get clear love before these fuckin' neck beards can ear plug It's a ill drunk with a hipster vibe, I detest it Different kind of investment to live or die by your message I mean, how many can say that they really talk dat shit If they never had to claim it while wiping blood off they grin And it might have cost him a win, but let it rock with a steady knock Betty Crock' a cocktail of every shot I never got Enter the plot of better stop or let it pop Confine it to your sinus like a habanero netty pot All these pathetic impressions, they lookin’ precious ock While the god looking metal maid like the Jetson’s got S’all Rosie until age left him at apex Strange flex when I ain’t even hit my best of days yet See the twenties was strong tequila and great sex Now them thirties are dirty bars and train wrecks Ain’t no correlation tween elation and a pay check I’m making every statement like I may just exit stage left I played def, to the warnings signs and borderlines And turned up the heat 'til this sort of grind could cauterize Fortified - bomb shelter the bars and ignored the time The irony of finding myself the moment I lost my mind Off of the line, foot on the gas Should have reminded what stunted the past Couldn't have asked for a less of fuck When they asked him what type was impressive to us Pretty damn clear that it's (not that) So I ain't really looking for a spot back It's different the moment they left the door open So kicking it in was just a got damn hot plan Not for the reason of seeming novel or deep More allegiance to the people that's getting robbed in they sleep, It’s still fuck fuck those standards I bled trying to meet Built different and the god get it poppin' in the streets like...
4.
Wilbur Cross 05:51
1-2 1-2 That's what rappers say right? Right Took me way too long to make this Lungs full of liquid a little shard of persistence Gasping for air with a disregard for existence He's going for distance, he's going for speed Lonely with a wish list he know's he won't see Well so be it, this pursuit wasn't inspired The only dedication is greeting pavement with tires So fire at will soldier See a frontline without a mission statement always arrives right on time I'm sayin'... I used to spend my nights gettin' lost Music and black coffee on the Wilbur Cross Just point out any exit and I'm gettin' off Anything has got to be better than…ok... It's a different kind of appeal, you ain't been about it? then deal I used to write my best lines while sitting behind the wheel I was faux-"gripping that grain" while I was letting my brain go Flickin' that cigarette's only disrespect when the lane slow Found small fortune inside of that Ford Taurus Back before the whole world extort it for it's coordinates Lost ain't the case no matter how much it appeared true Can't lose sight if you're never minding the rearview Can you? Exit 60 sittin' in my dust trail Ash tray full of all the times I've seen love fail Bumper sticker in the window with a "Yuck Fale" Text reading "Where u at?" - treat it like it's junk mail That back seat went from trash heap to packed knees To first times and blurred lines of names we would blaspheme That co-pilot saw it's handful of facelifts Busted transmission gave new meaning to makeshift Like "What the fuck is maintenance?!" Put some style on it Turn that broke suspension into bootleg hydraulics I put the best times of my life in that milage Never realizing it was my last line of guidance, I'm sayin'... I used to spend my nights gettin' lost Music and black coffee on the Wilbur Cross Just point out any exit and I'm gettin' off Anything has got to be better than where we are, I'm sayin'... (x2) It's a different kind of appeal, you ain't been about it? then deal I used to write my best hooks while sitting behind the wheel That hand-me-down let me ignore where the miles at Wasn't like the time in that was something I could dial back T-minus the trap, the clutch grabbed so heavily Kickers in the back add some rattle to the melody Codename "The Killer Cam" an accurate amenity As half brother's tendencies shattering through my destiny Jack in the recipe - blacken the memories How many nights of how I made it back to my bed to sleep That joyride became a silent drive of shame Just seemed to deepen that hole inside him to blame See most provided a lane - was so excited to change Until that next weekend pop and it's low life-ing the frame You'd think that first reset would have taught him something Or the new whip and second chance would have brought reluctance But a loss is a loss until it's all abundant Broke heart - Failed tour - Right people - Wrong discussions Blurred the picture of who was really the strong among us Disregard for upkeep finally snapped and brought it's justice Escape ripped from me for a whole entire twelve Lookin' back - wish I had taken time in the cell Because what I lost was more than a standard option When you can't afford the cabs to see your dad in hospice God, it's been a long damaged process Of undeclared promises taking my canvas hostage Because when that day came I repaired the cockpit That same ol' path just didn't appear as honest So I traded 15 for a 95 host And I rode that bitch out for the whole entire coast And then I ghost… It's a different kind of appeal, you ain't been about it? then deal Struggled to write this song while sitting behind the wheel In this Tampa traffic got me melting out the face With these Jeep snow tires looking hella out of place Such a cliche - the great New England escape A runaway under the cape of "change of pace" What a waste. That Causeway a mouthful of paradise And all I wanna taste is that cold autumn air at night They say that grass is always greener under palm trees And there's a lot fewer holes in this concrete But just because the ride's smoother it does not mean That end of the road is any closer to your arms reach Like maybe I just turned down the wrong streets Or left too much baggage in my car seats Couldn't accept I lost them before they lost me And all that's left is those false Wilbur Cross dreams I used to spend my nights gettin' lost Music and black coffee on the Wilbur Cross Just point out any exit and I'm gettin' off Anything has got to be better than where we are, I'm sayin'... (x2)

about

UNDECIDED is a small assortment of songs by godAWFUL that slowly came together over the ten years since the release of his debut EP - Vol. 1. While not intentionally planned as a concept piece, as the track list of what was originally meant to be a "previously unreleased" compilation came together, the primary narrative of godAWFUL's uncertainty of wether or not to continue creating music made itself clear...as did it's purpose.

"Honestly, at first I just wanted to finish up these skeletons of songs and get this music out of my vault and to the people that supported me in my earlier years. Was really just going to be a type of parting gift, but once I started finishing them, I realized these songs were not a final send off. These songs embodied the obstructions and internal struggles I encountered over a pretty sh*tty decade, and finishing them and releasing them was exactly what I needed to do to finally move on and get back into doing this for real. Not a goodbye, but a 'hi, I'm still here and sorry I kept you waiting. Pour something up and I'll tell you about it'"

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released February 11, 2020

All songs written, performed, produced, recorded and mixed by godAWFUL in various locations at various times under the influence of various substances.

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